I like to think I’m lovely and polite on dating apps – I cannot fathom how some blokes think that being a gross arsewipe could ever end in success; my mind boggles. Yet still they push forward, a giant bank of penis-having dickheads that continue to feel the urge to chuck across all manner of foulness to their potential matches. Of course, thankfully, this ‘potential’ immediately dissipates and they are back to their bedroom, in front of their laptop, doing a cry. I mean, same here, but at least I was nice with it.
As a male, I’m not always privvy to the abuse that women get on dating apps, but Instagram accounts like @byefelipe have shown me how bad it gets. The sheer amount of flaming, crotch-led clowns must put a tiresome strain on the female experience of using Tinder, so wouldn’t it be nice to be able to bang back a swift retort without having to waste time actually writing one out? Best not to give them the satisfaction of a worthy answer, really.
As a result, Tinder has recognised that a large number of its users are howling shitters, and have introduced a new feature that aims to shut them up a bit.
Essentially, if a pig is harrassing a woman on Tinder, she can now swifty knock them back with a few nifty ‘Reactions’, like:
- Really, urgh, nope
- Eye roll
- Ball’s in your court
All of them come with a fun animation, so it’s kept all above-board and doesn’t start anything untoward – there’s no animation of a penis getting cut off with a pair of garden shears, for example. It’s all fun.
“Tinder Reactions are designed to give users a selection of responses that can be used at any stage of conversation, and suitable for a wide spectrum of behaviour – from a gentle nudge (say ‘ball’s in your court!’) to a warning (send an eyeroll) to a bold gesture (throw a drink in their face).
“In our fast-paced world, what woman has time to respond to every act of douchery she encounters? With Reactions, you can call it out with a single tap. It’s simple. It’s sassy. It’s satisfying.”
Of course, this will 100% not stop douchebags in any way, shape or form, because they are immune to knockbacks. They do not see rejection, it doesn’t exist, it is a myth to them. They will keep on coming – an endless battalion of aubergines, feverishly catapulting dick-pics onto the battleground, an army of dreck. As such, an animated martini spraying over their screen will have zero effect.
Still, they’ll be alone at the end of it.